The Chess Player

Before You Read: This was something that I wrote when I first decided to sit down and figure out some things about myself. I had been to reserved that I didnt feel like anything was wromg with me until a friend asked me why I was so bitter. If you have never evaluated your life you should because you may never know yourself until you ask.

No one knows me for real. My friends and even family have no clue. I dont open up. I'm like a stuborn rose bud that just wont open.There is a wonderful beauty inside me that I just will not show.

A friend said, "I love you rica." So I said, "you too." Then he asked me, "Why are you so bitter? Why wont you say i love you?"

My problem is that I'm too much of a chess player in life. I think of the next possible moves before I make my move. I'm never spontaneous because I'm afraid of the possible outcomes.

I cried when I said I love you to this guy because I truely meant it. I said this after five years and a mishap and he didnt realize my feelings or maybe I just waited too long.That was what I was afraid of all along.When I realized I had missed out on him I felt the need or obligation to let him know that I always felt this way about him.

I've always felt that the words "i love you" were very powerful and that they shouldnt be thrown around or passed out to just anyone.It's just the chess player in me.     Luv and LOVE are two different feelings.

The thing is... I cant even play a game of chess if I tried. So, maybe thats why im so great at ruining my chances... by thinking to much on things that are obvious.

-Arica Rae'Shon M.

I Smile Yet I Frown

I smile yet i frown at the fact that i have u yet i missed out on so much.

I smile yet i frown b/c i love wat we're doing but i wonder if it just may be a little too much.
I smile yet i frown at the complete joy u bring me when we are together yet the thought of EVER loosing u makes me want to shed a tear.
I smile yet i frown knowing that my love for u is unconditional yet i know to the "rules" of love we may not adhere.

I smile yet i frown knowing that i mean alot to u but i may never be ur number one.

I smile yet i frown knowing u love me but wondering if our love like a gun...firing off the last round and then its done?

I smile yet i frown when i look at u and instantly become happy but in the back of my mind there's a uncontrolable fear.

I smile yet i frown knowing that our future is closer, yet the past is undeniably ALWAYS near.

-wlcm Arica Rae'Shon M.

A Kiss

i stand and stare into your beautiful eyes and reminisce on our wonderful moments together.

i want to tell you how i want to be loved and how to love me but i cant do that because its all up to you.

the silence kills me as i watch you slowly fade away.

yet im still stuck with only one foot over the threshold.

its like half of me is stuck on something that is no longer there.

the feeling of an irrepressible love with that same love unrequited is so numbing.

i love u so much ive become insane.

i miss everything that may have never even been.

i have come to reality, no more padded rooms for me.

i now understand that this love i yearn for is futile.

together we will always stand but together we will never be.

i know something is missing because a kiss says everything.

-Arica Rae'Shon M.

Physically We Yield

we know what's there yet we still move on.
slowing down time as if we had control.
knowing that in the end only the truth can be told.
everything has an experation date.
we just aren't sure of how long.
how long before it's me without you, and you without me, so then we're alone.
creating walls we quickly rebuild as one is demolished.
love, unlike silver it can never be perfectly polished.
mentally and spiritually we move on, quickining our pace.
but physically we yeild.
knowing logically with life vs love...
we could never win that race.

-Arica Rae'Shon M.

Lonley

tell me....
how do i feel lonley even when you're right next to me
you're not here with me.
you're presense is so unreal.
i create this love in my head.
this love that can only exist within me.
unrecognizable to you.
inconceivable to others.
how can you be near yet so far.
how can i be so in love yet so lonley.

-Arica Rae'Shon M.

With You

with him love is so complicated.
with you love is always easy.
with him complaints are near.
with you complaints don't exist.
with him there's always inconsistancy.
with you I can count on love never changing.
with him I'm afraid to show all of me.
with you I'm accepted completely.
with him there's an excuse.
with you there's always the truth.
with him I'm partial.
with you I'm whole.

-Arica Rae'Shon M.

Speechless

When all else fails, I'm able to express my self through writing.
I'll start off with a concept,
but then I'm unable to find the words to explain how I feel.
I'm constantly confused by you.
You piss me off,
but then you do the sweetest things,like
call me out of no where just to say baby I love you.
Then I'm just stuck on the phone not knowing what to do.
Constantly skeptical,
I said I'd never.
But it is true.
Baby I love u too.
But there's just somethng that makes me speechless when it comes to u.

-Arica Rae'Shon M.

Sewing Kit

HE came around when my heart was shattered into a million pieces.
I wasnt so sure of HIS capabilities, but HE sat down and glued every piece back together.
HE made everything just seem better.
But in return I backed up and let another clumsily hold onto my heart, taking a few of the pieces and whom im sure has no intentions on returning them.
So I filled those holes with music and writing.
But ill always remember HIS beautiful words,
THAT ONE with the mending glue.
THAT ONE that agreed to fall with me no matter what.
THAT ONE that helped me understand the true beauty in words.
THAT ONE that helped me out more than HE'LL ever know it.
Again im standin at HIS door, but this time with the cloth to patch up my heart with.
Im just hoping that HE has a sewing kit...

-Arica Rae'Shon M.

The Best thing Possible

That unheared, yet so beautifully familiar sound.
The wonderful recognition of the lost one.
The smile gleeming accross your face just at the thought.
The happiness behind a mystery.
The feeling of nothingness, left holding tightly to a vague memory.The wishing, so hard, for just a moment to replenish it.
The time period where you think you have it all back.
The clock unwinds and again its inncorrect.
The frustration as you try to grasp for a reality.
The loathsome filling at the truth, its just immpossible to take it over THIS threshold.
To awake in a cold surrounding of fear and confusion.
To a recognition that the best thing possible was a dream, just a mere illusion.

-Arica Rae'Shon M.

Folloow me on Twitter @illfollowubak :)

Are These The Reasons Why You're Really Mad?

 

You had what most people wish for in a girl:

I was a downass chick.
I stuck with you no matter what.
I didnt think I was too cute.
I was smart.
I was funny.
I was down to earth.
I was understanding.
I was a beautiful person inside and out.
I didnt doubt you as much as you expected.
I accepted you for you.
I forgave you for sh*t that a lot of females would have left you for.
I was loyal to you, and NEVER once cheated on you, no matter what we went through.
You left all of that because...?
I looked at you through a clear glass and not the blurry one that was created by the people around us and I believed in you.
But you didnt believe in me?

Seductive Resentment: Ch. 5

Chapter 5

I went home to get ready for the Sigma party. I really had to search for something to wear since I hadn’t planned on doing anything tonight.

I searched my closet and finally came across a sleeveless charcoal grey dress and some black pumps. It was perfect it would accentuate my red hair and my hazel-green eyes. It was the most envious outfit that I could find in such short notice. Those bitches would feel so stupid when they saw Aldon walk in with a bombshell.

I quickly got dressed because it was going on seven thirty and I didn’t want to be late, and I was sure that I would have to help Aldon out wardrobe wise. Arriving at this party with me could even get Aldon noticed by other females, so he had to look just as good as I did.

I pulled up at his dorm, Morris hall, at exactly seven thirty-five. I knocked on his dorm room door and waited for him to answer the door. He finally answered the door with the most confused face.

“Why are you looking like that,” I asked, flashing him a smile and pushing past him to walk in.

“Well..um. I didn’t think that you would actually show up. And you look very nice..um….I didn’t catch your name,”he said, with one of the prettiest smiles.

“I did invite you to come with me. Why would I not show up? And my name is Gabby. Aldon. ”

“Oh, well yea but you know…I’ve been stood up so many times by beautiful girls. Gabby.”

“Well, I’m not like that, and is that a compliment,” I said, smiling at him.

“Yes it was,” he said as if he were ashamed to admit it.

“Well, thank you. Um…may I ask you what you have on” I asked with a chuckle to lighten the mood.

Shrugging and shaking his head, he said, “I do not know. I mean I didn’t know what to wear seeing as I don’t get invited to things like this.”

“Well,” I said with the most innocent yet seductive smile I had, “You are in luck. I’ll help you.”

He looked confused and said,“Ummm…What do you have in mind?”

“Well, first it requires you to,”pointing with a sarcastic smirk “take off that wonderful ensemble.”

He looked at me and then slowly removed his shirt while holding on to the uneasy look on his face. The guy was ripped! It was like his average frame had been finely chiseled from marble just to fit him.

I didn’t want to be too late. I mean it was fine to be fashionably late, by geez. So, I began to “help” him a little with the removal of his clothing. I began to unbuckle his belt and then snatched off his pants. It was sort of funny because he seemed to be a little embarrassed. So in order to make him feel a little at ease, with a chuckle, I said, “Oh calm down, you have nothing to be worried about, I have seen the male body before.”

He smiled and I proceeded to invade his closet and dresser drawers. This guy actually had some nice clothes, but he just didn’t know how to put them together the right way. While still searching for the perfect thing for him to wear, I asked him, “Do you have contacts?”

“Um, yea, but I only wear them when something’s wrong with my glasses.”

“Well, put them in would you. You’re leaving your glasses behind tonight,” I said while turning to look at him and smile.

I found him some dark wash boot cut jeans, a white V-neck t-shirt that looked like it would fit his wonderful body to a tee, and a black blazer. He had some black shoes that seemed to be in perfect condition, and they weren’t too dresser or too casual.

After he got dressed he gave himself a look over and said, “Wow…this is pretty plain.”

While helping him comb his hair straight back and out of his face, I quickly said, “Sometimes plain is sexy,”as I gave him a feisty smile.

Together, we stood in the full length mirror. We looked perfect together. Me, the beautiful red head who knew how to be sexy; and him, the now sexy brown-eyed dark haired olive toned guy with a little style.

We both smiled as we looked at the picturesque couple we saw in the looking glass. Turning toward him, and breaking the silence, I said “All right, looks like we’re ready, so lets go.”

We then left his dorm and went to get in my car and head over to the Sigma party. We arrived at the party a little after nine o’clock. Everyone seemed to just be mingling and watching who was entering the party for now, but we all knew that would change after a while.

Right before we walked in Aldon began to look worried. So, I told him, “Don’t worry, you look great…and by the way you have a nice body,” as I looked him up and down while smiling as if I wanted him right where we stood.

Aldon and I got so many stairs, but what counted the most was getting the glairs of the three adolescent minded females that had tried to humiliate him earlier. They couldn’t believe their eyes as they whispered and pointed, making sure that he was the same dweeb they had seen under the tree.

The two of us began to chat when I faked a phone call by turning up the volume on my cell phone. I had only stepped away a little, and not five minutes later, those same girls were in his face demanding attention.

“Um…so hey,” they had sent the same one over to do the talking again, as if they didn’t learn that she just wasn’t the best messenger before, “Alan, was it?”

“Aldon,” he quickly said with confidence.

“Oh yea, Aldon,” she said with a cheesy smile “who’s that girl you came in with?”

In order to save him, I came back over to where he was and stood close to him as if I was guarding what I owned and put one hand on his abs to sort of show his body off a little. “Oh hey,” I said with a bitchey smile that read off ‘who the hell are you’ “I’m Aldon’s date, and who are you again?”

“Oh, um. I just met Aldon today,”she said with the ‘okay you win, I get the clue’ smile as her two friends walked over to join her.

“Oh that’s nice,” I said as I looked into Aldon’s eyes and gave him a quick kiss on the lips to make it look like he was comfortable with me. “Babe can we go now, I’m ready to get outta here, it’s so not what I expected.”

“Oh, yea,” he said while playing along with my little charade. “Sorry I couldn’t stay longer and chat with you ladies, but I have to go.” He looked at them as if they had missed out and put his hand on the slip of my back and walked me toward the door.

A Helping Hello

Why is it that people that you help think it’s okay to run over you too?

I mean you fucking practically share your whole damn life with someone and they don’t know when to say, “okay maybe I’ve received enough.”

The only thing they do is continue to use you and act like it isn’t shit.

Like um…no thank you? Well how ungrateful.

It burns me up to know that a person that is damn near willing to lose their whole livelihood just to make others  feel okay and happy can be so easily abused.

Just because you know that the person that will help everyone rarely ever speaks up for themselves doesn’t mean that they don’t have thoughts, feelings, or maybe even a heart that wants to hear Thank You.

Everything and every person that one is blessed to receive in their life doesn’t mean that it’s deserved, sometimes it’s just a life lesson.

But, what if you don’t want that person or thing to be just another blessing that you haven’t worked for?

Too many people today have no problem receiving what they didn’t work for.

When did it become okay to think that someone else is responsible for your happiness or your well-being?

Why can’t the people of today get off their asses and work for the things that they want?

You know, because there isn’t always going to be someone there to catch you when you fall; and, if you never have had to live life and take care of YOU, you will never even have a clue what to do when/if you decide to get back up.

There shouldn’t be any excuses as to why you can’t improve yourself as an individual, WITHOUT, the help of another human being.

If you’ve always had help along the journey called life, you will never ever get to see all the other beauties that are within yourself nor the outside world because you will only know the way someone else taught you; so, sometimes you have to wonder alone in order to understand who you are and your capabilities.

If you sit down and allow yourself to think for yourself and solve your own problems, I’m pretty damn sure that there will be more happiness within yourself and less blaming of other people for you life’s downfalls.

The only way to make it up a ladder or make it in life is if you take the initiative and take the first step on your own and you must know that there won’t always be a person there to rescue you.

You shouldn’t have to tell the people that have helped you along in life goodbye forever, but you at least need to get away from them at some point so that maybe the next time they see you, the REAL you can say HELLO with a smile on your face because you now know a little more about what in life fits you.

-Arica Rae'Shon M.

Follow me on twitter @illfollowubak :)

Space and Time

Before You Read This poem/spoken word can be about whatever the reader turns it into. "Space and time" are left up to the reader's imagination to interpret. You fill the blank in, you make space and time into whatever applies to you at the moment, I did. :)

I'm so in love with space and time and space and time seemed to be so in love with me too.
But you see, space and time didn't have time or space for me.
I would set out time for space and space for time.
But due to space and time recreation for our love was always available.
But you see, space and time didn't have time or space for me.
Time would go by and space would shrink.
Space would re-open and time added back to the clock.
But you see, space and time didn't have time or space for me.
Removal of feelings because due to time and space those things were unavailable.
Multiplication of the previous additions to my heart because it seemed like this is what time and space needed.
But you see, space and time didn't have time or space for me.
Creation, only in the imagination, of an unborn child but my body didn't have space or time for things like that.
Realization that my soul and heart refused to completely accept or remove time and space.
But you see, space and time didn't have time or space for me.
I was so in love with space and time, and I thought that space and time was so in love with me too.
All of these possibilities now becoming deconstructions, have me now knowing that space and time...

Just didn't have time or space for me.

Seductive Resentment Ch. 4

Chapter Four

I had to find out what Nate’s last name was. I needed to know. I had to make sure that I had the right guy when I wanted to get with him again. I knew that after a while I would have to find another partner in order to avoid turning Nate. It would be hard to make him not want to be with me constantly. So, I went to the library to search him on the internet.

I was walking from the library when I noticed a guy. He was all alone and reading under a tree. Then all of a sudden a beautiful girl walked up to him smiling and looking back at her equally beautiful friends.

She said, “Hey…what’s your name?”

He looked up and pushed his glasses up on his face and then quickly looked back down saying, “Aldon”

Trying to hold in her laughter she said, “Oh well…um…Aldon… my friend over there said…said.. she wants to talk to you.” Unable to hold it in she busted out in laughter.

Aldon quickly got up and ran off, dropping his book. I picked it up and followed him. He was fumbling through his things.

“Hey… Aldon is it?” He shook his head yes, “You dropped your book.”

“Th..Thank you.”

“Your welcome.” Then he began to walk away. “Hey..” Looking back at me I went to catch up with him. “I saw what those girls did to you back there… they’re just irritating immature females that have no life.”

Chuckling he said, “… I guess.”

“Well I don’t think that is right. I mean you weren’t bothering anyone…” He looked up at me and shrugged.

“It’s nothing new…I’ve never had a way with “the ladies” I’ve always been a loner…So, its okay…”

“No its not. I think your cute and obviously intellectual…So…Do you wanna go with me to the Sigma party tonight???”

With a face full of shock.“Uuugh…uumm… are you sure, are you talking to me?”

“Yes.”

“Oh…no. They would never let me in.”

“Don’t worry about that. Do you want to go with me or not?”

“Ugh… I guess so.”

“Good! Plus we can make those incompetent wastes of space look like the bird-brained, defective, dim-witted, feeble-minded, gorked, half-witted, held back, imbecile, lame brained, mentally defective, moronic, numbskull, opaque, pinhead, simple-minded, subnormal, underachieving, yo-yo ‘s that they are.” He started to laugh, showing his smile that could illuminate the night.

Still laughing, he said, “Ok...”

“I’ll meet you at your dorm at eight o’clock then.”

“Sure. Morris Hall. Room 123”

“Ok,” I said flashing a smile while tying back my red hair. He walked away with a sort of pep in his step. I had made his day, maybe even school year.

Yea...I would say comment but no one does so forget it. Yea, if you read my blog thank you :)

Seductive Resentment: Ch. 3

Chapter Three

I checked the upcoming events calendar when I woke up and tonight is a party for the freshmen to “meet” when we all knew it was a sexcapade. There would be horny freshmen and illegal drinks. It was just what I needed to find a partner.

After my classes I got ready to go to the party. I searched in my closet for a seductive dress that would get me a quickie. I ended up wearing a little black dress, with a lacey red bra panty set, and red Christian Louboutin’s. I curled my long silky black hair and wore it down. My piercing blue eyes would also do the trick.

“Those dingy freshmen won’t know what hit them… all they’ll see is a hot chick that they wanna bang.”

I entered the party and the music was so loud my ear drums were ready to say “I quit,” but I got used to it after a while. I saw this one cute guy standing by the bar. He didn’t look like a freshman, maybe he was looking for the same thing I was. I walked over to him and ordered a martini.

Then he looked at me and said, “Oh you must not be a freshman,” with the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen.

“Of course not,” I said with the same smile but with a little seduction put into it.

We sat at the bar and got wasted, at least he did. I knew damned well what I was doing. Besides, I had to be aware of my surroundings.

With sort of a slur he said, “Do you wanna go to my dorm with me miss lady.”

Playing along I said, “Of…of Course…” and began to laugh and giggle as if I was drunk.

We both got up and stumbled out of the party over to his dorm. He slumped over with his arm on my shoulder confusingly looked in his pockets for his keys.

“Damn it! I lost my…keys”

“Awwwww….”I said, with a drunken giggle.

He then got a key from behind his message bored on his door saying, “See…. I’m smarter then…. Then you think…huh?”

I looked at him and winked. He bust into the door and slammed it behind us. He began to take off his shirt and I said with a sneaky smile, “Do you have a roommate?”

He quickly said, “Oh no…” and began kissing on my neck. He unzipped my dress and watched as I slowly took off my clothes. I grinned as I watched him try to hurry and take off his pants. Smiling, I backed up against the wall and, with a finger, gestured him to come over to me. He jumped up and pinned me against the wall, he’d gotten the clue. We had sex up against the wall and then we moved it over to the bed. Scratching and screaming he quickly shoved a pillow into my mouth. The pressure was building I started to scratch his back encouraging him to go deeper. He made me reach my climax and I couldn’t hold it in any longer I had to scream. But, he kept going he was more then I was expecting. He had some stamina in him. He lifted my leg and got in position. He reached his climax soon after. He rolled over and lye next to me I could see him wearing down.

I’d taken enough of his energy. I had to leave. I jumped up and grabbed a pair of his sweats and a t shirt and ran into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and changed my hair color to blonde and my eye color to brown. I folded my clothes and put them in a bag. I peaked out of the bathroom door, he was sleep; so, I quickly ran out of the door. I looked on his message bored, his name was Nate. I walked down the hall, out the building, got in my car and went home.

August 27 2:09am

Dear Journal,

Today was a day. I found a new guy. His name’s Nate. He’s no Leo, but I can say that he knew what he was doing. Today was the first day that I’ve had to use my shape shifting powers here, but I couldn’t let anyone catch me leaving his dorm. Luckily, I didn’t bite him because that would have been another mess. Letting him see me turn into a vampire would have been…. I already drained him of his energy just by having sex with him. When he wakes up in a day all he’ll remember is that he had one hell of a night with me…but he doesn’t even know my name.

I remember when I got turned. I was confused and all I knew was that it was all Leo’s fault. I woke up wanting sex and blood.

Leo taught me all the perks of being a sexually driven vampire. I could either have peoples blood to stay alive or I could have sex with people and take all of their energy to stay alive. Leo also taught me how to shape shift so I could get away if I ever got in any trouble. I don’t feel right just going around killing people so, I have sex in order to avoid turning people and I limit my time with the person so I don’t drain them dry.

Leo is more ruthless. He just doesn’t care. He has to move around a lot because short lives get suspicious when dead bodies start popping up. He also “can’t help”but to use his powers all the time. I mean what person wouldn’t wonder why this guy is running as fast as the speed of sound. I mean there are still a few people that still believe in vampires and such.

Any who… As for Nate, he just might have to go on my list. ; P

X.O.X.O

Please Dont forget to comment and let me know what you think. Follow me on twitter @illfollowubak 'o')

Really Real Males

Before You Read: This is my male version to Really Real Females So they kind of go together and there is a bit of slang so dont get too confused. :)

Moms mighta brought you up alone. When you was younger you mighta had a good head on. But shit changed up when you thought you was grown. Mama said, if you aint gone do what she say,then ya dead wrong. Oh, n da nigga you call daddy, he always been gone.

Only do you understand when its in a rhyme.Dat aint the only way, on da corner trynna sale a dime.Knowin dat wat you doin could get you some time.Gotta get dat lil bitch, oh damn she fine. Trynna beat ya boy, imma get it this time.

In da studio trynna make a track.thinkin next thing you know ill be a rap star,bro its MY turn at bat. you knw da best? yea, when i get like dat. i swear i aint turnin back.

Jus heard ya boy got shot for some highschool beef, You trynna make dis money so ya lil sister aint have ta be no theif. Trynna block reality by rollin up purple leaves. Only feelin safe sometimes, n dats when you gotcha heat.

Braggin bout how you fucked dis bhadd chick 'round da corna tanight.locked up da next, damn her pussy was tight.
tellin ya mama itll be awrite.tired of seein her cry cuz, for her, shit jus aint right. But youll be damned if you go down with out a fight. Thinkin, when i get dis money shit'll get right,mama i swear i gotchu, ill buy you anything you like.

You hold ya head up. You throwin ya hood up. Standin outside hopin dis time you get good luck. Cuz, the same place, you tired of bein stuck.

You remember when ya mama said you could be anything you wanted to be. Now you sayin i be damed if i go out just a memory. You tell her you love her and dont worry bout me.So she ask you ta change up, you quickly say, sorry but dis me.You jus havent got da memo dat theres bigger better things.They havent told you? it dont cost ta have goals n dream.

Yes I know that it is hard to see yourself doing anything but what you know, da streets.
But i guarantee if you devote yo time to other things, "da system," you'll beat.

- @IllFollowUBak
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Really Real Females

Before You Read: This is more of a spoken word type of poem and it has a bit of call and response in it. So dont get confused and try to keep up :)

My ladies: need to understand that all you see is NOT what you need to be. Ashmed to be you. Wearing what everyone else is wearing. Doing what everyone else is doing. Exchanging your morals for a "cute" dude. Pumping your body full of things that dont matter much once you're gone. Feeling like you're not worthy of all that is sane, good, beautiful, and worthy of a god or goddess. Competing to stay in the game of what dude's attention can i earn next. Unwilling to educate yourself for the fear of being too smart. What does too smart mean anyway? But they say you can never have too many clothes,shoes, accessories, etc. Not realizing that a REAL man wants an intellectual female that can hold her own. Unlike those material things and your boyfriend of the week that can be gone in the blink of an eye, if you have an education it aint goin anywhere.

You dont even knw what the meaning or what it looks like to be a lady.
"Well damn maybe i never got taught."
You dont need to be taught, teach yourself.
"Dont you think I tried."
Not hard enough, you cant tell me that you think there is anything right about sweatin in a club wearin nothin but your draws, a bra and a vest.
"It aint lady like but I was cute tho."
Cute, thats not cute by any means. Besides if you see yourself as a woman dont you think cute is out of your legue?
"No."
Well maybe you should focus on being beautiful. You know you can pride yourself and dress like you have some sense of sophistication. That beauty dosent only have to be preserved for prom, funerals, or when you've put in a job application.
"Dont nobody wanna wear heels all day"
But you'll wear them all night to a club or party, and who said you had to wear heels. Heels arent the only thing that can make you look good, you make you look good.

All in the camera for facebook and other sites. Titties hanging all out, and for what? to draw a little attention. There are other ways to get attention. Positive attention at that! To tell the truth some of these females are unknowingly broke hoes, just making pornos/porno magazines, posting them on the internet and not getting paid for it. No im not saying try to get paid for it. Im saying stop doing it. If you feel like you need to get naked for the world wide web, then you might as well walk around naked all the time.

If you sit down and pay attention, Im not trying to bash anyone. Im just putting everything they do in writting. Maybe if they see it in black and white, itll simplify it all. Maybe they'll understand that some where inside, they have a crucial piece of themselves that is missing or maybe just wounded. Ladies, dont be so willing to give yourself to someone that is only willing to take from you. If it takes for you to be alone to realize that your are valuable, then so be it. When its all said and done and no ones around you have these things: you, your love for yourself, your dignity, your respect, and your education.

- @IllFollowUBak
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER AND GO READ MY OTHER BLOG WITH @PattyBey_Tweetn
http://misplacedb.blogspot.com/

Seductive Resentment: Chapter 1 & 2

     Before You Read: This is a Short story about a girl named Gabriella that is a college student but the twist of it all is that she is a vampire/ succubus (In folklore traced back to medieval legend, a succubus (plural succubi) is a female demon or supernatural being appearing in dreams who takes the form of a human woman in order to seduce men, usually through sexual intercourse. The male counterpart is the incubus. Religious traditions hold that repeated intercourse with a succubus may result in the deterioration of health or even death. In modern fictional representations, a succubus may or may not appear in dreams and is often depicted as a highly attractive seductress or enchantress; whereas, in the past, succubi were generally depicted as frightening and demonic). Her longtime lover, Leo, is a vampire, he is the one who turned her years ago. However, he had no clue what he had created for she is from a long line of succubi, facing Gabriella with the debate of kill or die; but, if she decides to live she must do so without being noticed. However, she has a master plan and on  a college campus it just might work...or will it?

August 24 9:42pm

Dear journal,

The first day of college starts tomorrow, another new start to this long life I’ve lived. It’s so hard to do the same thing over and over again. It all gets so tiresome and routine. I think I’m going to do things different this time around… I mean I do have the ability to at least have a little fun in life…

Chapter One

I arrive on campus at 8 o’clock in the morning. I watched as all the little freshman ran around franticly like bees in a hive, without the organization. I stood in the middle of the campus by the fountain. I proceeded towards my class on east campus. My first class was a psych class. I was always very interested in how people thought and the reasoning for their thoughts.

My professor, Mr. Zaborowski, was a very odd old man. He had all the stereotypical psych teacher looks: the thick circular eye glasses, the seriously bad comb over, the smelly, old, and way out of fashion blazer, with the more then nearly flooding pants, high socks, and icky brown loafers. However, he was really opened minded and corky.

I wasn’t normally a morning person and being up at 8 o’clock in the morning told me that even more. I was ready to fall asleep in the most interesting class that I had.

“Class Dismissed!”

“Class dismissed! Oh no,” I thought to myself, I hadn’t been paying attention to a single thing! I was more focused on what I was going to eat when I got home and how tired I was. That was a bad way to start off my year so; I knew that I had to wake myself before I wasted my whole day falling asleep or daydreaming.

As soon as my classes were over I immediately went to change my classes to evening classes. I knew that I couldn’t stand another day of getting up early in the morning. I went to get in line and it seemed as if almost every person in the school wanted to change their classes.

I stood in line for almost an hour but it was so worth it. After I was done I went home. I did not stay in a dorm because I’m not too into people being in my space, but I kept up with the upcoming events on campus.

When I entered my house I got this vibe that something was different. I quickly went through my house. There was a presence around me but I could not seem to find it. I quickly ran around the house like a bolt of lightening. Papers were flying around and I was freaking out. I was starting to get angry. The rage was building in me. Who ever was here was watching me run around like a damned chicken with its head cut off.

I couldn’t do it any more my strength was draining. I hadn’t eaten any thing since the night before. So, I lied down on my couch, hoping that I could catch my breath because my body was feeling a little limp.

“Maybe I’m just….” Everything got dark.

Chapter Two

I came to with a sweet taste in my mouth. I sat up and quickly looked around snapping my neck around like a feline. I got up and went upstairs to my room because some one was still here. This time, for sure, I knew because I didn’t feed myself while I was incapacitated. This meant only one thing…

I entered the threshold of my room and there they were… It was LEO! The arrogant bastard was lied out on my bed with his arms behind his head, tapping his feet, and smiling.

“Leo…why did you do that?”

“It’s fun watching you run around.”

“No the hell it… its not fun for me! You know how I am about invaders.”

He Said, “I’m sorry….” as he walked up on me, grabbing me by my waist.

Leo was an old flame that for some reason could always be rekindled. He just had this dangerous sexiness about him and he was always there for me no matter what.

“Gabriella, I’ve been missing you. I had to come and see you”

“Leo, you know that we can’t be seen together.”

“I know, I know…but”

“But nothing, what if you get hurt!?”

Then he said, “I’m going to be fine…I’ll leave before anyone figures out that I’m even here…” and kissed me on the neck.

“Ok…”

The chemistry between us was so powerful. His lips sent a chill down my body. He could always do that to me, but today was just so much stronger. Maybe it was because I hadn’t had sex in months and my hormones were about to explode. Leo kept kissing me and I returned the favor with no problem. He was the only guy that I could share myself sexually with to the fullest. He was a soldier and was down for anything. Our sex was like no other.

August 26 12:58am

Dear Journal,

Leo came over today…well yesterday and of course we had sex. I really needed that. He did some things that were like he had been practicing his whole life for that one moment. My body is still quivering at the thought of it. I hope no one heard me : D oh well. He grabbed me and began his quest. He started up high and worked his way down, of course. He kissed every inch of my body. He still knows all of my spots. I don’t think he will ever forget, seeing as I leave a scratch on him when he hits them. He licked, he bit, and we explored each other like we had never even had each other before. I love being with Leo sexually. It’s like we have a connection mentally because he always knows the next move that I want to happen. We fuck and make love all together because we lust for one another and we still love each other because of all of the things we’ve been through together. Leo and I started out as friends and over the years we grew to be more because we had always wanted to be more but were afraid of a mistake. Come to find out it sort of was a mistake because we had sex and now we can’t stop. So, now we try to stay away from each other, but he always seems to find me, especially when I need sex. He knows I live off sex and lust. If I don’t have sex I’m miserable and depressed, so he always comes through for me. He won’t be back for a minute so I’m going to have to find me a victim at college, hopefully he can last as long as I’ll need him; or, I’m going to have to find a few victims… Yeah I think I’ll do that instead. It’s easier to just have multiples so I don’t have to worry about one guy being unable to last. That way I’ll always have a back up if things go wrong. I guess I’ll start my voyage tomorrow…

X.O.X.O.

Please don't forget to

comment, it would help me out a lot if I had some feed back :)

- @illfollowubak

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Come On People!!!

I view, i watch, i precieve... As all the possibilities in life that can go wrong do go wrong. I mean wat happened to: real parenting skills, disipline, organization, and a bit of punishment. Im tired of hearing "back in my day..." and nothing ever coming of it.

Kids these days have no respect for their elders let alone themselves. Parents have lost control. This explains why kids are having kids. And why young men are growing up to be Children. Women complain that their kids have dead beat fathers, yet they're raising their son to do the same. "my baby dont have to do nothin he dont want to!..." instilling this in their childs mind makes them believe this.
Then when their son is still livin with his mama at the age of 47 and bringing home Shay'Micca, Lawanda, and Chastity with his eleven kids. They get mad cause their "baby" isnt doing anything to take care of his children and mama is doing it all.

And these little girls are trying to grow up too soon. Having sex at the age of 9 and 10! I mean they probably dont even have sex ed class yet and they already havin sex. Yes i know that parents are always reluctant to talk about sex with their "little girl" but parents need to realize that these days are full of technology and easy access to sexually explicit information. so they need not be afraid to let their children know about sex and ALL the consequences that come along with the infamous "IT." Parents need to know that while they think little Sindy is asleep she is really up sexting or googling porn. Im not trying to create trust issues im just being blunt.

Teens today are so ignorant. They think they know it all. A boy tells them "i luv u" and they think its time to drop their panties. Luv is not Love and real Love can and will wait. Teens need to be more focused on education and making something of themselves. Life is not all about sex, drugs, and partying. This false belief also explains why kidsare raising the next generation.

It may seem as if im blaming only the parents, but im not. Since when did the kids become the authority in a household?

Then people want to take their kids to the doctor and get them diagnoised with A.D.D, A.D.H.D, or Bi-polar Disorder. When there is nothing wrong with the child. Its just an excuse not to have to disipline their child and actually be a parent. Yea... get the child high to the point of no return so you can deal with them. Yea ok... thats the way to be a parental guardian. Society needs an epiphany and soon... I mean COME ON PEOPLE!!!

Straight Up, Naked and Bare

I sit and wonder why...

Why do I go crazy over this small thing called love.

Impatiently, i wait for it like a kid on christmas morning.

I wait in anticipation. 

When will it be my turn?

When will i have the chance to hear these words from anothers mouth?

Like an archeologist, I search... 

Carefully inspecting and searching for something that may not be there.

Sympathy is not on my list of things to obtain.

These are just my feelings, straight up, naked, and bare...

Read Your Mind

     I truley wish I could read your mind...

The complexity of your thoughts are so intreging.

Then maybe things would be different.            

Im hoping that this is not our fate, but it wouldnt be a problem if it is.

To have you, if only for this long yet so short of time, is better than not having you at all.

Just know that my love for you is like the beauty of a plastic flower, it will never wither...

If only i could read your mind.

Runnin'

I'm runnin yet I have no destination.
For this race was set up by the man of creation.
I speed up and I get slowed down.
There's a hurdle n I swear they just keep getting bigger now.
I'm runnin and I can't catch my breath.
Breathing has now just become yet another test.
I watch as all the people go by.
Some at my pace and some leaving me behind.
I know its ok because I'm running with the best.
I'm runnin' this race, but but in reality I'm runnin it by myself.
I don't know the length and I don't know the time.
I just know I'm runnin so that I can keep away from its bind.
For if u don't run you'll see wat I mean.
Cause LIFE will catch up soon and you'll just keep wishin you could redeem.

Well this is my third post and if you have read all three and you have a comment please do share it. I love constructive criticism and compliments. :)

Oh and I also help write the blog  with @PattyBey_Tweetn MISPLACED on here if you like my writing. Here's the link: http://misplacedb.blogspot.com/

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @ILLFOLLOWUBAK

Burnt Out

We talk but not well enough.
Our communication skills leave us at a dead end slowly spiraling to a trough.
Our mouths say we know what we want.
But in the end we're just sure of what we don't.
If I don't talk to u and u don't talk to me.
Then of course the course will have taken its course but we won't know where we'll be.
Its more about our actions.
Yet we constantly focus on the distractions.
Will we BOTH ever understand the concept?
I ponder the possibilites as I let my eyes burn out like a candle with no wick left.

Going on A Walk

I just keep walking and I dont know my destination and all I have with me are my aspirations and they reside in my hoodie pocket.

Right now I'm walking on the side of town where dreams become reality with no false accusations.

I hear my cry and I feel my tears, but I hold them back at gun point just to be strong for others.

But the pretty girl with the beautiful smile has to cry sometimes too.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm all used up.

I just don't understand what else I have to go through before I give up.

I watch as my tears fall to the ground and mix in with last nights rain, slowly loosing their relevance.

And it makes me begin to wonder, how many other tears has the earth soaked up right along with the truth.

Where's my person that will love me and respect my ambition?

I was taking up a great spot that could have been given to one of their children, but I deserve it.

I WORKED FOR IT.

The more I work the less I'm rewarded.

It seems the only thing that can remove my mascara is my tears,

But they keep telling me that racism does not exist and that segregation is demolished.

Bullshit!

So, I guess that's why I'm black.

We were bred to handle pain and endure pressure; but, this time it's not slavery, it's life.

You can't be black AND innocent.

And when I thought my day would be filled with nothing but darkness, the sun returns to shine upon me.

I will survive.