I'll mind fuck you then tell you not to get too caught up in your thoughts.
Better and better it only gets better.
I'm such an unusual girl in this peculiar world, so within your heart you call me a trendsetter.
A kiss so sincere its like your spirit's sending a call back home after being gone so long..
-Makeda Meraki
🌌🌜🌞
There's a misconfiguration within our determination to do better as a people and rise above as a nation. Maybe, its still due to what Ms. Hill said, you know back in the 90s?..
The Miseducation.
The world and its wicked ways has caused a haze, blinding us all from loving.
Blaming the past on which we've passed as to why we're all still hating, debating,
or just trying to be seen as one,
Yea, its 2017, but
We're still waiting...
Signed,
America
-Makeda Meraki
Tbh as a child. I went through so much, saw so much, and felt so much negativity mentally, physically, and emotionally that I literally aspired to be alone. I could never say anything about what i saw bc I'd end up in a foster home or something. And i was the oldest so i had to pretend everything was okay in front of my baby sister and brother, no matter how much i really understood or overheard. I felt inadequate at school (yes i was bullied) and home. I never wanted to feel that alone again without actually being alone. I struggled with suicidal thoughts often. But never went through with it BC of my brother and sister. I just wanted to get away from the hatred, the mean words that so easily flowed from the mouths of strangers and those that are considered family due to a bloodline, and the struggle. I don't know how to love properly BC I feel like I was never truly loved properly from my birth forward. Therefore I guess I never for saw me being married and finding someone, let alone people that actually GAF about how I feel. So if I'm standoffish its BC I can't love half assed like others. Its ALL or NOTHING with me. Every time I have tried to love others its broken me apart in the end. I'm sorry but I'm broken. And only I can fix me. Fixing me means I have to leave everyone behind. I don't want to be here. Literally. I ask 'God' why did I have to be born and why am i here a lot. I have to figure it out before I call it quits all together BC I'm very tired. Imagine forcing yourself to live for others since the age of 10 and you're now 25..
I just watched a 15year old boy break down
I just cried with him as he broke down during the press conference that was held for his father's death.
I just watched a15year old black boy's spirit die with his father today.
I just watched him as he tried to be strong as his mother spoke and ended up being the new family backbone.
I just watched another melanin filled soul be shot down by law enforcement!
I just watched a father be taken out of a black home yet again, and we know there will be NO indictment, probably just financial endorsements!
I JUST CRIED for a man I don't know.
I JUST watched a boy become a man then revert to a crying child in need of his father again!
I just cried and wiped away my tears, in doing this i realized how often our tears are wiped away as if it never mattered, like it's over when it's not
I just watched another brother die and his sons left to wander the streets without him
I just watched their mother be left alone when she thought she had it figured out.
I just watched a woman be strong when she thought she had a man to do that for her.
I just watched a murder... Again.
I'm tired of JUST WATCHING and JUST CRYING!
Aren't you?????
-Makeda Meraki
False memories are they really false?
They say people can change but is that really true?
If they decide they want to fly, do they grow wings?
I don't think so.
You don't change yourself you change how you do things.
You have to make your own way.
You have to create a way to fly even while you stay the same.
Lies. False all of them are false.
I'd feel better if they just went away.
I believe in you, the two of us are ALWAYS one. Will you hold me somewhere anywhere? So I don't go insane..
The game is won before it's started.
And we are bound by a promise.
Men often say the same thing about me all the time when I ask about how they feel about me, "I mean...You Cool."
This is a tell tell sign that said man has no intention on taking me seriously. 🐸☕
So, when I cut them off, or cut off my feelings that I initially have for them I don't feel bad. They deserve ever cold shoulder that I give. (You wanna waste my time why can't I return the favor? You know that good old 'tit for tat' every man hates after they initiated the 'tit' in order for me to even be able to 'tat' 😕 😂)
I feel as though there is no point in using my emotions when dealing with men. They NEVER feel anything back in regards to a Plain Jane like me in a era full of bad bitches anyway. I just don't fit in. And you know, I'm okay with that.
But, what I'm not okay with is men not knowing what THEY PERSONALLY want and deciding to be attracted to whatever the next guy is attracted to. First it was white, then light skinned, then skinny, then thick, then bbw, now its conscious females. Like, isn't that supposed to be a "manly quality" the ability to lead and make decisions..guess that could be why those are boys and not men.
However, in this era there is a pathetic cycle of indecisive manboys that only want what others/they homies got. Basically, they want what's trending on social media just like the females that they claim are "gold diggers". Well I guess that makes them soul diggers (new phrase!!) then.
SOUL DIGGER (Master Level Fuckboy): male equivalent of a gold digger; however, a kin to the Fuckboy, the soul digger is only there to make you "feel" wanted just enough to keep slowly taking parts of the woman's soul that he is pursuing for the time being. These men use their prey/mate/partner as an emotional/egotistical crutch until they find better. Much like the gold digger the soul digger wants what they want and will use the lover at their expense.
Gold diggers want money and every material thing while soul diggers want to know everything that is you. They endure this process of "getting to know you inside and out and taking things slowly" in order to better manipulate without the lover getting suspicious of their insincerity.
Soul diggers tend to go after the person with the inner light about themselves and are very understanding, I.e. Empaths. They're easy prey because they always "understand", no matter what bullshit excuse the soul digger throws their way even after being let down time and time again.
-Makeda Meraki
I really think
I'm never gone be rich
Cause to me,
The money don't mean shit
I get it and give back
Cause My people,
they NEED it..
So, Sometimes I think I'm never gone be rich,
I'm trynna tell you, the money don't mean shit.
If "Jesus" is in thee
"Universe" is in me
And Everything is WE.
I'm Just trying to BE ME
Yo, I really think I'm never gone be rich
Being rich means having money,
And money don't mean shit.
-Makeda Meraki
🌌🌜🌞✊✌
You aren't really confused
You know what you want.
You're just a heartbroken boy, attempting to flaunt
His ego and lies and maybe his thoughts.
Scorned by his past
Awakening love in every woman you pass
Knowing first hand "that thing" won't last.
You fake it
Until she can't take it.
Claiming to be awakened.
But your soul has already been taken.
By a woman that took too much
And in return leaving your heart on a crutch.
And every woman you get with is just to mend you up.
For the next woman seeking a soul
NOW you don't know what to do..
You've run into The One, that's real life GOALS
You aren't really confused,
Your karma's just so backed up, this type of love got you walking on ya tip toes...
-Makeda Meraki
🌌🌜🌞
