Really Confused

You aren't really confused
You know what you want.
You're just a heartbroken boy, attempting to flaunt
His ego and lies and maybe his thoughts.
Scorned by his past
Awakening love in every woman you pass
Knowing first hand "that thing" won't last.
You fake it
Until she can't take it.
Claiming to be awakened.
But your soul has already been taken.
By a woman that took too much
And in return leaving your heart on a crutch.
And every woman you get with is just to mend you up.
For the next woman seeking a soul
NOW you don't know what to do..
You've run into The One, that's real life GOALS
You aren't really confused,
Your karma's just so backed up, this type of love got you walking on ya tip toes...

-Makeda Meraki
🌌🌜🌞

A Lifetime Without The Sun

I love the sun. And when im sad sometimes i just look up in the sky and can smile. There's something about the light that appeals to my soul. So if you could imagine being all alone in the dark. Wondering. Wandering. With no one there to help. With no one to run to. No one to look at for reassurance. And at no time you were able to see the light of day. And when u find shelter on your own, although you admire the beautiful sound of the rain hitting the windows during a thunder storm you're still afraid you'll be struck by lightning and the rattling of the thunder sends chills down your spine as it shakes your world. In the back of your mind you know there will be sun in the morning, so it will all be ok. But, imagine waking up one day without a huge part of your happiness, without your sunshine, and that turned into a lifetime?..

A perfectly picked heartbreak

A perfectly picked heartbreak. I can tell you now I'll never fall in love, no matter how hard I may love. See you don't ever really get back up once you fall. And people are so temporary, no matter how long you may have loved them, you should learn to love and never fall. I've learned to allow the words "I love you" to become stained upon my lips. And to allow the phrase returned by a man only to kiss my ego, never to echo into my forever giving hallow heart. In life you have to learn to let go, but they never tell you letting go is better than holding on, because nothing is worth keeping in this world, not even companionship. Everything and everyone you know and love will die or leave you behind in some way. So you may as well never get attached to begin with. Then, the letting go part becomes routine and less hurtful. No, I'm not bitter, just a bit wiser.

Manufactured Love

Lies...

Ever been used to them? You know, just listening to them, making the fabricator think you believe..? I have.. I know one when I hear one...I know but I say nothing. I allow you to duplicate your lies until you believe them. Until they become true. Until I believe too..

But what if the time runs out? And I don't succeed. And no matter how many times you tell me, you don't believe. And I look up to realize its still not true. And the Times run out, and my beauty too..

It'll never be, what I could see. Only the things, that left you with me. No I'm not number one. No I'm not the same. I'll never be the way, you envisioned things.

But throughout the pain, I never think to walk away. Not your fault, it's all on me. I allow this to be, so I can't help repeating, "please, just love ME..."

*Not that I don't think I'm good enough, sometimes I just don't think I am enough.*

One Glance

Sometimes I wonder if he'll leave the girl that he, only once, noticed.
Never seen by many
He only took a look once.
Never noticing her care.
Never noticing SHE'S  there.
Overlooking her presence
Only acknowledging her essence.
A shoulder to cry on.
But her heart always worries.
Is she delicate enough to be seen as pretty?
In the dark she stayed
Only because she was afraid,
That the man of her dreams would just soon fade away
Like everything she'd loved so dear
The one thing she wanted filled her with so much fear
To love unconditionally
And trust in someone
My prayers are real.
I've got you, but I'm so scared.
One day you won't be here.
One day you won't think I'm beautiful.
One day you'll walk away, and my every thing won't be around to tell me it's okay,
Or just to kid around.
One day my fairytale dream will come to an end.
No marriage, no kids, no white picket fence.
No more best friend.
And that ONE glance you took at me will come to an end.

Is the Military for you?

People keep asking me my opinion on wether or not they should join the military so here it is:

The military is cool, my boyfriend is in the U.S Army. But, it's hard on relationships, especially if you can't stay faithful. But, it's working out for us though. And yes, the pay is ok and they help you with school. But, it is also mentally and physically draining if you don't have the determination to keep going. At times you'll wish you could just be home or that you're tired, but you have rules to follow that can't be short cut. Being in the Military is something that you have to do because you want to, not for the money. The money cant be the reason. Because you have to keep in mind that you are giving YOUR LIFE for the freedom of your people. The Military requires honor, dedication, and faith because it wont be easy.  You have to do it for your own reasons because the money you make, you could end up dying out there fighting for your country and never get to spend a dime of it. So, you have to think if at the end, all you'll have is your honor, pride, dedication, loyalty, respect, integrity, personal courage, and faith, will that be enough? Is that enough to give your life for another's? Is that enough for our freedom? Is completing your duty of selfless service as a U.S. Soldier enough?
ONLY YOU can answer that.

Breakup Advice from Me

This is my advice on "love," you know the kind where it's one-sided and only alive because you keep going back and allowing lies to be the definition of love. May be the harsh truth but, it's all Love

Just accept it if someone is a liar! And it's ok to be upset and over their Bullsh*t. They don't know what they want. They want to love you and have who they want as well and that's not how this sh*t works.

Honey, it's gonna take for you to cut their a** off totally for you to allow your heart to heal. Just take the time to better yourself, bc obviously they're out doing what they want while you bathe in heartache waiting on them to get their sh*t together. That's so unfair to someone you "love."

It may be hard to get them out of your system, especially if it was or is a long term relationship, yes, I understand. But you can't focus on the past, or the future for that matter. You gotta focus on the here and now. And right now they can't get their sh*t together. Right now they wish to remain a child. So right now, you have to take care of yourself. If you've been through enough heartache for anyone viewing the situation to know your love was real. You no longer have anything to prove. Which means you no longer should have to stand there and keep taking shots to prove you love them. After a while, a real man/woman would stand up and take the shot for you and only be with you. You loved them, you loved them with your all. That's all you can do. If they don't see what they're missing that's on then. Let them have the rag doll while the porcelain stays on the shelf until someone is man/woman enough and decides to stand up and reach up there to get you off the shelf.

I know you may love them and it's hard to stop, but God says to love. You can love someone and not be with them. If you really loved someone you always will. But they aren't good for you. It happens. I love people in my past but I'm no longer in love with him. There's a difference. So you can love them. It's just a matter of loving yourself more.

Then, you'll learn to love someone else again. What you have been through will be exactly what makes you want to show someone else how to love/ how you love.

Learn to love like God and Forgive. But take the past with you as a lesson learned. You now know how you don't wish to be "loved" and you now know what you deserve. You know what to look for. You know that you are strong enough and capable of REALLY loving someone. But now you have to see if you're strong enough to walk away, are you strong enough to take all that will power that you put into SOMEONE ELSE into yourself now? Now, God has basically given you no other choice but to better yourself. But, it's up to you to claim your love for yourself. You can no longer neglect yourself by giving your all to someone else before ever giving yourself a chance to do such.

I'm sure at the time in your life that they came around, you wanted love. You wanted someone for you. Bc at a younger age we crave "real love" but we don't search for it within ourselves, nor within God. We search for it elsewhere. We search for it in an imperfect world where no one else will be able to love us like God/ourselves (we are God/a part of God).  So, we have to learn that lesson when we entrust our whole self to someone who at the same time has not thought to find/love themselves or God yet.

Now, is time for you/God. When you learn who you are and love who you are and are able to own that/love that. And enjoy that you are another one of God's quirky amazing creations full of his love, that is when you will be able to again share yourself with this imperfect world. Because you will have the heart of God, filled with love and forgiveness for the imperfect. You will be at peace with that because you have an understanding of such. And the one you are ment for will find their way to you. They will be attracted to your light and positivity. And you will be willing to share yourself because you will know who you are with or without that person, so you won't be afraid to love.